


All Because of You

by yourfavoritetsundre



Series: Duality Project [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abandonment, Bloodlust, Desperation, Galra Keith (Voltron), Injury, Leaving, Love Letters, M/M, Possessive Behavior, Projecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 17:00:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16791037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourfavoritetsundre/pseuds/yourfavoritetsundre
Summary: Lance is hurt, and Keith is an absolute disaster.(Direct tie-in to My Heart's Like a Wound)





	All Because of You

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after and during Chapter 10 of My Heart's Like a Wound. I do not recommend reading this as a stand-alone.
> 
> Lyrics at the end from The Good Left Undone by Rise Against.

Chaos. 

That’s what Keith remembers from carrying Lance’s broken body out of Red after finally landing back on Earth. Medics rush at him and snatch Lance away, making Keith want to hold tighter. Rubina McClain’s mouth is hanging open in a scream that turns to a sob, fighting her other sons who try to hold her back. Pidge is staring at him, horrified, and Keith can’t remember the last time she looked so scared. He slowly realizes that she’s staring because he’s covered in blood. 

Krolia approaches him, and he backs away, shaking. He’s scared, God he’s so scared. And more than that, he’s furious. He’s going to rip someone’s limbs off. Preferably Haggar’s, but at this point anyone would do. 

He turned towards the Black Lion - proud, taller than the others. And Shiro is in front of him, arms crossed. 

“Keith, no.” 

“Get out of my way, Shiro.” Keith growled. 

Shiro doesn’t say anything, but his floating arm flies over with enough force to knock him back a few steps. An absolutely feral snarl is ripped from his throat, but the hand is around his throat, forcing him into submission. Shiro’s expression is guarded, but there’s heartbreak under the surface. 

“Lance is going to be fine.” Shiro said in a measured tone. “Just...calm down.” 

Keith felt his body sag. Maybe it’s the hand at his throat or maybe the exhaustion is catching up. Shiro cautiously approached, and once he was sure Keith wasn’t going to fight again the hand released and he was pulled into a tight hug instead. Keith’s knees buckled, leaning heavily against Shiro. There was a ripping noise, and he realized that was his breath. 

“He’s bleeding.” Krolia murmured, approaching again. “I can smell it.” 

“You’re hurt?” Shiro mumbled in his ear. 

“I’m fine.” Keith said. It was true. He didn’t even feel it. “Lance - “

“Would want you to get looked at.” Shiro cut across firmly. “Let’s go.” 

~*~

Keith needed stitches. His arm had somehow gotten cut in the explosion, and then was made worse by carrying Lance to and from the Red Lion. The Paladin armour was a miracle - protecting him from burns and the majority of damage. Something had torn through his black skinsuit and sliced his skin, and for all he knew it had been his own sword. 

Lance was in much worse shape. Paladin armour or not, he was closer to the blast. He had some internal bleeding, but that wasn’t even really the serious problem. A massive piece of shrapnel had cut through his leg guard like tissue paper and lodged itself halfway through his tibia. He was lucky his leg hadn’t been completely cut off. 

Which was exactly what the Garrison doctors decided they would have to do. 

When the news broke, they all just sat in shock. Allura was up and arguing with the surgeon, begging him to just stabilize Lance. Olkari contacts were on their way, they’d have a way to help. Save the whole leg. But it was too late, it was already done. 

“Barbarian.” Allura snarled at the surgeon’s back. 

“Why would they do that?” Hunk asked, horrified. “Why would they...it was still attached.” 

Even Shiro looked furious. “Because with all the damage, they don’t think he’ll walk again. And the Garrison needs a soldier, and a Paladin, whether they like it or not.” 

Veronica, sitting next to Keith, stifled a sob. Keith knows he should reach over and comfort her, but he can’t. Fear, worry, anger, pain, all of it crashed through Keith’s head and heart and he doesn’t even know what to do. 

_ I’ll be whatever you need me to be, _ Lance had said in the torture chamber. 

Alive, whole, happy. That’s what Keith needs him to be, though honestly he hadn’t seen a lot of that lately. He’d been withdrawn, almost shy. He appeared happy, appeared as boisterous as always. But more often than not Keith would see him tucked away in some forgotten corner with a tablet that he was too distant to pay attention to, and Keith wouldn’t have the courage to approach. 

That was how it had always been for them. On the Castle of Lions, on countless planets and moons. When homesickness and heartbreak got to be too much, the Blue Paladin would slink off to hide and when Keith came across him he’d just...watch. When Lance was always getting him to open up, giving him trust he didn’t deserve. 

It’s another half an hour before a different doctor returns with Rubina. Rubina’s face is tear streaked and older than it had been a few hours ago, but she’s smiling. 

“He’s going to be fine.” she tells the room. “Vero, come, we can see him.” 

The rest of the room moves to stand too, but the doctor waves a hand impatiently. “Family only.” 

“It’s fine.” Rubina says hastily, possibly seeing the murderous look that slides over the faces of everyone in the room. “They can come.” 

The doctor shook his head. “I’m afraid I can’t allow it.” 

“We’re his family too.” Keith growled, stalking towards the doctor. Fangs press at his lower lip and he really hopes he’s just as terrifying as he feels. “Let us - “

“Keith, m’boy.” Coran is somehow in front of him, sturdy in spite of his beanpole frame. He rested a hand on Keith’s shoulder and applied gentile pressure. “We don’t want to overwhelm him if he wakes up.” 

Keith snarled in frustration, but turned and stalked out of the room. 

~*~

Keith finally changes out of his Paladin armor and spends time cleaning Lance’s blood off of it. His throat feels like it’s going to close up, his blood is boiling. 

Shiro finds him and bullies him into attempting to sleep, so Keith tosses and turns under his blankets. When his clock reads three AM, he gives up. He slips on his shoes and wanders from his room. 

The Garrison has always been quiet at night, but this area, the officer’s living quarters, is quieter than the student dorms with its strict curfew. It’s eerie here, too quiet and too dimly lit. He longs for open rooms and views of the stars. 

With that thought in mind, he gets in the elevator and heads for the flight deck. There’s people here - the night shift doing maintenance and monitoring the surveillance jets on watch. Most ignore him, but a few stare. Because he’s the Black Paladin, because he’s half-Galra, because Lance almost got killed. It didn’t matter why. He just glares at them so they look away. 

He slipped out of the huge doors and walked towards the line-up of Lions. Blue, Green, Yellow and Black all sat proudly with their gazes on the dark horizon, but Keith frowned at the sight of Red sprawled on the ground. 

The night is cold, and Keith regretted not grabbing a jacket on his way out. He remembers the ridiculous Altean bathrobe Lance used to turn up for breakfast in and snorted at the memory. That and the Blue Lion slippers. Lance was the only one who wore his slippers…

Lance lost one of his slippers, he remembered. At some point after Krolia and Kolivan left to find the remaining members of the Blade, Lance had gone into a panic and torn Red apart looking for the slipper and he couldn’t find it. Hunk told him he was being over-dramatic, and Lance ignored him and kept looking but he never found it. Keith always just assumed it got left behind on a planet or something. 

Keith wondered if the missing slipper corresponded to the missing leg, and immediately felt sick. 

As he got closer to Red, he can hear faint sobs. Veronica? She’s the only member of Lance’s family with the clearance to be out here. 

He picks up his pace and approaches the Lion’s yawning mouth. The low emergency lights are on, but the Lion doesn’t light up for him the way it used to. The way it does for Lance. The sobs rattle off the cold metal, sounding otherworldly. He follows them back to the cockpit, where a small figure is hunched on the floor. As he watches, they scrub at the metal floor with a sponge, working at brown flecks of dried blood.

“Pidge?” 

She hiccups and looks up at him. “Hey, Keith.” 

She goes back to scrubbing, and Keith can’t help but to stare at her. When was the last time he had seen her cry? She somehow had always been braver than the rest of them, at least to their faces. 

“...you alright?”

She shakes her head, but he already knew the answer. He crouches down next to her, watching her wring the sponge out in a bucket and scrub again with a new fury. She’s not crying anymore, not in front of him, but there’s still tears on her face and her glasses are filthy. 

“...is this about Gremlin Protocol?” 

She put aside her sponge and sat back, hugging her chest tightly. 

“Pidge, it’s not your fault.” Keith said quietly. “The only reason either of us are alive is because Lance blew up the ship.” 

“I’ve been awful to him.” Pidge whispered. 

He froze. The psychology reports. “I told you not to read those files.” 

“I didn’t.” Her eyes are glassy, like she’s going to start crying again. “Not at first. I...I went back and watched the cameras to see what might have tipped Haggar off. You two making your way through the ship. There was no audio but I saw the...the other me. And I figured it had something to do with the files, so…”

“God damn it, Pidge.” Keith growled, turning away from her. 

“I didn’t mean to.” Her breath hitched. “I didn’t realize I was...pushing him. Or teasing more than usual! He always just bounces back and I thought it was just normal Lance, nothing ever bothers him! I didn’t realize...after you left that he...he was alone and I...I made him feel that way.” 

There’s a horrible monster under Keith’s skin that wants to tell her yes, this is her fault. That she and Hunk repeatedly made Lance feel worthless, and isolated, and how dare she hurt him. When he’d only ever shown her kindness. That even the strongest people break, and how could she not see the bags under his eyes and his lack of interest in the outside world? 

But he doesn’t. Because has he honestly been much better?  _ I was afraid to love you _ , Lance had told him. He had no idea. 

Instead he says, “Lance loves you, Pidge. He doesn’t blame you for anything.” 

She squeezed her eyes shut tighter and turned her face away. “He deserves so much better than this.” 

That fire in Keith’s blood was raging again. He should be feeling helpless and scared and sad and heartbroken and maybe confused at everything Lance had said to him in the last forty-eight hours but instead he’s just furious. This had always been a problem for him - anything negative he felt had always just translated into anger. He had thought he had gotten it under control. Living on a giant whale with only his mother and a wolf, finally mastering the meditation techniques Shiro had taught him, would do that to a person. But, as usual, Lance McClain was involved so any scrap of Keith’s self-control immediately went flying out the space-whale window. 

Pidge was talking again, but he didn’t catch any of it. “What?” he asked. 

“I just...wonder why he came back to us.” she repeated. “From the alternate universe. He could’ve...stayed and had a normal life. With you.” 

“With me?” Keith repeated dumbly. “You mean with all of us. He said we were all there.” 

Pidge looked at him sadly. “Oh, Keith. I thought he finally told you.”

“Told me what?” 

“In the other universe…” she paused, uncertain. “...you were dating.” 

The words are enough of a shock to momentarily quench Keith’s anger. Because honestly, suddenly so much made sense. Lance’s general skittishness around him, Veronica’s desperation for him to be in the room when Lance woke up from the alternate universe. His anger when he wasn’t. Anger at every time Keith had left him. Giving way to acceptance. Giving way to training first thing in the morning and finding excuses to talk and during movie night he  _ knew _ Lance had called him ‘babe’ but he ignored it because he was so sure Lance was just fucking around. 

_ You think your place is with me? I’ll never accept you. I’ll never want you. _

_ I’ll be whatever you need me to be.  _

Pidge snorted in disbelief. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner. You two are exactly the same.”

“Oh, my God.” Keith whispered. “He thinks...he thinks I don’t need him.” 

He was just as bad as the rest of them. 

~*~

~~_ Dear Lance,  _ ~~

~~_ I’m sorry.  _ ~~

~~_ Dear Lance,  _ ~~

~~_ I wish things were different.  _ ~~

~~_ Dear Lance,  _ ~~

~~_ Why am I always screwing this up? _ ~~

~~_ Dear Lance,  _ ~~

~~_ Why didn’t you just tell me?  _ ~~

_ Dear Lance,  _

_ I know you’re going to be mad. I know you’re going to tell me I’m selfish, and that this isn’t my fault, or anyone’s fault, and a million other things that are probably true but don’t really matter too much right now. And I honestly don’t know if we’ve been lying to each other or ourselves or simply not communicating, all of which is just par for the course with us.  _

_ Here’s what I do know. I know that the universe has taken just about everything from you, but I’m going to go out there and get it back. And you’re going to be furious with me, but that’s why I’m leaving now and not after you wake up. And you’re right, it is selfish. But I can’t look at you right now without feeling this horrible bloodthirsty anger, without demanding justice. It’s something primal and ugly and I can’t help it.  _

_ Because here’s the thing. I met this cargo pilot, a while back. And he was mouthy and brash and constantly had to one-up me. I hated him. I really did. It took awhile for me to realize all the stupid competitions and teasing was just his way of making light of a truly ugly situation. Probably mixed in with some jealousy and other things, on both sides. And underneath all of that was someone who was kind, and selfless. Selfless in a way that’s quiet and caring in ways that don’t bring attention to the issues being dealt with. Nothing like me, who uses selflessness and reckless bravery to hide fear and keep others at a distance. But you always saw right through that, didn’t you?  _

_ I couldn’t handle it, and I ran. _

_ I thought that maybe some time apart would be good for me. Kill this thing that was growing in my chest and doing its best to suffocate me. But while I wasn’t looking you and it grew even more and I barely recognized you when I came back. But while I saw greatness everyone else just saw memories of you and it wore on you. Because the jokes and the teasing were gone, replaced with bags under your eyes and forced smiles. I thought it was just the war, but it was everything. It was homesickness and your friends and Allura and Lotor and the clone and probably a million other things you haven’t told me about. I went off to find my place in the universe and told myself I was giving you yours, but you just lost more. And we came home and defended the Earth and everything was supposed to be fine, and now it isn’t. Now you’re hurt, and they’ve taken more from you, and I can’t forgive that.  _

_ So, I’m going. And you’re going to be mad. Furious, probably, in that insufferably loud way of yours. I’ll probably be able to hear it wherever I end up. And I know you wanted to talk. But I was wondering if you could wait just a little bit longer? If you can let me be selfish just a little bit longer, I promise I will give you everything you deserve.  _

_ Just do me a favor, and don’t forget this time, okay? Take care of the team for me.  _

_ -Keith.  _

~*~

Acxa walked alongside him as Keith headed for the flight deck for the second time. She had accepted his leaving more readily than he thought she would, but she still eyed the purple and black bodysuit he was wearing apprehensively. She had voiced concern at the fact that he hadn’t slept at all since the flight to the abandoned battle cruiser, but he ignored her. He held an envelope so tight in his hand it crumpled, and it would be a miracle if Lance managed to read it between the wrinkles and shaky handwriting. 

“Keith!”

Keith stopped and turned. Shiro stalked down the hall towards him, tablet in hand. “Shiro, hey - “

“Care to explain this flight plan to me?” he asked briskly, holding up the tablet to show the take-off clearance for a shuttle holding a small squad of Blade fighters with Keith listed as the pilot. 

“I’m going after Haggar.” he said, wilting slightly under Shiro’s piercing gaze. “Look, I know it’s sudden, but I have to and...can you give this to Lance for me? It’ll explain everything.” 

“No.” 

Keith honestly wasn’t expecting that. “What? But - “

“You can give it to him yourself.” Shiro snapped. “Better yet, you can tell him yourself. He woke up an hour ago.” 

“You don’t understand.” Keith said desperately. “He’s  _ hurt _ . She hurt him and I can’t - “

“Can’t what?” Shiro spat, making Keith back up. Shiro never got angry, not with him. “Can’t look at him? Knowing he’s not whole - “

“No, God, I just - “

“You wouldn’t understand.” Acxa cut across, looking at Shiro. “It’s...an injured love isn’t something we take lightly. A Galra cannot forgive that, not even the most rational of us.”

“He’s only half.” Shiro snarled, not once taking his eyes off of Keith. “Do you think he wants this? You’re going to get yourself killed because - “

“Oh my God, shut up!” Keith yelled. “I’m not abandoning him! This is nothing like you and Adam!”

Keith had crossed a line. Shiro’s anger turned cold, Keith was sure he could get frostbite just from his gaze. 

“Is it so different?” Shiro asked in a dangerously calm voice. “Leaving because you’re too scared to accept that he might actually want you to stay?”

“It’s not that simple - “

“Yes, it is. You aren’t thinking straight. You need to calm down.” Shiro moved forward and rested his hands on Keith’s shoulders. “When was the last time you slept?” 

Keith didn’t answer, but he was crumbling. He couldn’t fight Shiro, and they both knew it. 

“Biology or not, you can’t pilot in this state.” Shiro turned away. “I’m grounding your flight.”

“Kolivan - “

“Already cancelled the mission.” Shiro glared at Acxa. “I can’t believe you were okay with this.” 

“It’s his mate.” she muttered. 

“It’s his life.” he corrected. Using the hand that was still on Keith’s shoulder, he steered him down the hall. “Now if you don’t go to bed voluntarily, I will put you in the hospital myself.” 

~*~

Sleep did come, but only because Keith had definitely reached rock bottom. He slept for twenty hours straight, Cosmo dutifully curled at his side. When he woke up, he was starving. And he smelled awful. 

Shower first then, even if that mainly involved standing under the falling water and feeling completely new levels of shame. He felt like an insect. Shiro should have decked him for what he had said. Lance was going to kill him when he found out. 

Lance. 

Keith finished his shower and slung one towel around his waist and used a second to rub his head dry. When he left the bathroom, Shiro was sitting on his bed and scratching behind Cosmo’s ears. Keith had a brief moment where he was fourteen and gotten sent home from school for fighting. Again. Adam had already yelled at him, which had no effect, but here was Shiro with the “I’m just disappointed” speech. 

“Brought you some food.” Shiro jerked his head at the desk. 

“Thanks.” Keith muttered. “Shiro, I’m - “

“You weren’t in your right state of mind.” Shiro cut across. Then, in spite of everything, his expression turned teasing. “Though I am confused as to when you and Lance went from awkwardly dancing around each other to  _ mates _ .” 

Keith’s insides seemed to suddenly disappear. “Oh, God.” 

The others were going to have a field day with that. And ever since the licking incident Lance managed to sneak in furry jokes whenever he was in a good mood. He’d be an absolute nightmare with more ammunition. 

“I mean, it’s about time, but still.”

“She just...it’s a misunderstanding.” Keith groaned. “Just like the majority of my life.” 

“Eat. You’ll feel better.” 

Keith found some clean clothes and ducked back into the bathroom to get dressed and attempt not to die of embarrassment, then sat in his desk chair to scarf down the plate of cold steak and potatoes. 

“He asked for you.” 

Keith painfully swallowed an oversized bite of food. “He shouldn’t.” 

“Well, maybe you’re not the only idiot in the relationship. For once.” Shiro’s scowl had returned. “I should have just let you go. Lance needs someone who can actually be here. I told you, last time, you have got to stop assuming you know what he wants.” 

“I know.” Keith looked away. “I just...I couldn’t control my rage at...everything. I wasn’t thinking.”

“And now?” 

“Well, I still want to rip Haggar’s limbs off, but I realize I have a better chance of doing that with the Atlas as backup, so…” 

Shiro snorted. “Cool your jets, we’re grounded at least until Lance has a new leg.”

“But he’s awake?” 

“Not really. They’ve got him loaded up on so much morphine that when his eyes are open most of the time he’s not really there. Some Olkari doctors are on their way to help, but it’ll be a few days before they arrive.” 

Keith nodded. “Good.” 

“He’s in Room 43. Pidge and Hunk are sitting with him now.” Shiro paused. “Keith, don’t make the same mistakes I did. If the last few days have proved anything, it’s that you might not have that much time together.”

“And you’re projecting.” 

“And I’m projecting.” Shiro smiled a little. “Go. Talk. Stop running.”

~*~

When he got to Room 43, Pidge and Hunk were sitting on either side of Lance’s bed. Pidge nodded tightly as him, a silent plea to never bring up their conversation in Red. Hunk gave him a watery smile. Keith sat in a chair against the wall and leaned against his knees, keeping his head down. He couldn’t look at them. 

Lance looked...peaceful. He slept soundly, blissed out on morphine. Keith’s gut ached when he saw how Lance only had one foot visible under the blanket. 

It wasn’t forever, he knew. And Lance would probably find some humor in the situation. Somehow. Followed by years of therapy. 

“Hey.” Pidge straightened up. “His eyes are opening again.” 

Keith’s head snapped up. Lance was stirring, bright blue eyes blinking open. 

“Heyy, buddy.” Hunk was grinning. 

“Hey, Hunk.” Lance slurred with a lazy smile. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Fan. Tas. Tic.” Lance drawled. 

“That’ll be the morphine.” Pidge said. 

A blur of blue in the hall. Before Keith even knew what he was doing, that horrible fire in his veins was igniting again and he was standing. Hunk and Pidge were speaking to Lance, but Keith had stopped listening. 

_ I was afraid to love you.  _

But Keith was done running now. 

He stalked out into the hallway and barked, “Axca!” 

She froze and stopped dead in her tracks. “Keith! I was just - “

“Here to see Lance?” he asked cooly. 

“I know he’s important to you.” she muttered. “I was just - “

“Talked to Honerva lately? That is what she goes by these days, right?” 

Horror crossed her face. “I don’t know...Keith, I know you’re upset about Lance, but - “

“Don’t...YOU KNEW!” The anger had finally boiled over. Finally, something to blame. “YOU KNEW SHE HAD CHANGED! AND YOU SAID NOTHING!”

“Keith - “

“AND NOW HE’S LOST HIS LEG! AFTER EVERYTHING ELSE, SHE TOOK MORE!” 

Acxa was cowering, and Keith fought to get himself under control. His volume, at least. 

“You say you’re on our side, but you’ve barely given us any information. We were not prepared for what we found. I almost lost him because of you.” 

Get it under control. Lance is alive. Lance is up and talking. Yelling at Acxa wasn’t going to fix anything. He knew that. But there was this ugly monster under his skin, demanding payback. Because Lance was hurt, and there were a million people to blame. And more than anything, he hated himself for insisting Lance go on the mission in the first place. 

And for thinking he knew anything about what Lance wanted. 

“Don’t come near him again.” 

He turned back towards the room to find Hunk standing between him and the closed door, looking a little stunned. “Uhhhh...you alright, Keith?” 

Keith shook his head. “I’ll be fine.” 

Hunk studied him. “So, uh, I may be a little late to the party but...Lance likes you. A lot.”

Keith felt his face burn. “Yeah, I think I kind of got that.” 

“Aaaannnd given the super aggro don’t touch my man thing I just witnessed, I’m gonna go ahead and guess that you have feelings too and maybe your Galra side is getting the better of you because he’s hurt?” 

Keith grimaced. “Maybe.”

Hunk’s smile was the brightest Keith had seen it in days. “I knew you’d get there eventually.”

Keith rubbed his eyes.

“Come on, he’s asking for you.” He pushed the door open and led the way in. “Lance, hey...oh, he’s asleep again...Pidge, you okay?” 

Pidge was shaking slightly as she curled into Lance’s side, face buried in his chest. Undone, again.

“I’m fine.” she mumbled. “Just...tired.” 

“Take my seat, Keith.” Hunk offered. “He’ll want to talk to you when he wakes up.” 

Lance wouldn’t wake up for another day and a half, after the Olkari arrived with their better medicine and non-opiate painkillers. Which unfortunately meant talking. Keith would honestly rather have him just read the rambling panicked letter he had written than have to actually … speak. But seeing his eyes clear and hearing his voice regain its steadiness calmed the monster in his chest. 

Then he was just filled with an overwhelming urge to kiss the idiotically pretty boy before the next horrible thing happened. 

~*~

**_All because of you_ **

**_I haven't slept in so long_ **

**_When I do, I dream of drowning in the ocean_ **

**_Longing for the shore where I can lay my head down_ **

**_Inside these arms of yours_ **

**_All because of you_ **

**_I believe in angels_ **

**_Not the kind with wings_ **

**_No, not the kind with halos_ **

**_The kind that bring you home_ **

**_When home becomes a strange place_ **

**_I'll follow your voice_ **

**_All you have to do is shout it out_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Great news! I had my last day at my old job yesterday! 
> 
> Then I went home and watched the S8 trailer, and just...okay. So, we're probably not getting Klance. I'm kind of resigned to that. But I went back and watched S7 and...hold on...
> 
> *taps microphone* Is this thing on? Okay...
> 
> If we're not getting Klance, can someone please explain to my why the FUCK Lance is at Keith's shoulder in every damn shot the animators could possibly justify? Seriously. Go watch it.


End file.
